The Diary of Who Exactly?
by Swiftchanted
Summary: Jim Shannon is a man of honor, dignity, and respect. And now he's a man of honor, dignity, respect, and the owner of a diary. This cannot be healthy. For anyone.


**So, you need to know that I am in NO way a serious person. Like not serious at all. If you knew me in real life, you'd probably want to like…I don't know…send me to a mental facility. Because I'm honestly the most ridiculous person EVER. If you want to know about what I do in my free time, I crawl under the bleachers in PE with my friends to find notes that they've written to certain people and also to hide in our ongoing game of hide and seek. So yeah. Kind of weird person I am, huh? Anyways, this was sort of…necessary. Some of you may have seen my Terra Nova crack video on YouTube, and if not, I suggest you watch it. It's a great way to kill brain cells! And after that…I got the genius idea to make this! It won't be many chapters long (unless you all want more, then we'll see what I can do), and be sure to go check out my two other stories, **_**The Lion and the Lamb**_** & **_**That Fighting Chance**_**! And with that, I give you this…**_**unique**_**…fic.**

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><p>Dear Diary,<p>

I don't even know why I BOTHER calling you a diary. In fact, I think Elisabeth has lost her mind, having the nerve to even conjure up this blasted book and tell me to write in it. I don't know if she was joking about it, but I'm not taking my chances. I'd rather write in this book than face the wrath of my wife, which is fairly similar to a pissed off carno. So in other words, it wouldn't turn out too pleasant for me. I'm just going to write in you and pray to God that no one-and I do mean no one- finds out that I'm unleashing what Maddy might call my inner teenage girl.

So since you're a diary, and you don't really know much of anything, I'm going to introduce you to the people in my life that if they ever found out about you, they would taunt me until the Ice Age. Lovely people I get to spend my time with, don't you think?

**Alicia Washington – **the to be ringleader of the entire "Let's-All-Make-Jim-Shannon-Fall-Down-a-Well-or-something-and-Be-Mortified-For-Life-through-Many-Ways-of-Torture" operation. Just because dear Lucas Taylor shot her doesn't mean she died. I think she survived all that knowing that if she was gone, no one would be around to tease me. _Gee Wash, I just might cry, thanks for the consideration._

**Commander Nathaniel Taylor – **lovesick puppy around said ringleader. Just because he's the commander of all Terra Nova doesn't mean he's not wrapped around his second in command's finger. You'd be surprised Diary at what I've walked in on between those two. It's pretty horrific, and I'd prefer to forget it. But every time I dare look them in the eye, all I see is-well, we'll save that for later entries._ So thanks Taylor, for falling in love with the woman who is content with putting hair dye in my shampoo. Walking around with bright pink hair isn't too fun. _

**Maddy Shannon – **my daughter. And if she finds out about this, she'll hold it over me whenever she wants to go on a date with Mark somewhere too far from my eyesight. Like outside on the front porch. She's the reason I own binoculars. You'd be surprised when those bad boys come in handy. So if she discovers you, I'll have to start bending to her every whim and will. And we can't have that. I don't want her going somewhere too far from where I can't see her. _For example, the marketplace while I'm OTG. _That cannot go down._ It just can't._

**Josh Shannon** – the boy that would fall on his ass laughing so hard if he did discover you existed. _Dear God, I do feel like a teenage girl now, I'm referring to you as a you. This cannot be healthy. _Even though I can ground him until the Renaissance, he'll still make sure I never, ever forget that I'm a grown man, cop of Terra Nova, father of three, and a diary owner. That makes it sound bad, doesn't it? _Yes. Yes it does._

**Malcolm Wallace **– damn Malcolmus. He'll be the second in command on Wash's little operation, since he's willing to do anything to make sure I suffer. Yeah. _Haha on you Malcolm._ You thought you'd be able to hook up with my wife. And you were W-R-O-N-G wrong! _Okay, I'm getting too carried away._ But still, if Malcolm ever caught wind of your possible existence, I'd be toast. Burned toast and not even a whole pack of butter would make me possibly taste good again. Yeah, toast.

Alright Diary, so I believe it's time I do tell you about-oh my god what am I _saying_?

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><p>Okay, so I practically just got cussed out by my wife for abandoning you. So I lied and said that I had to do something highly important for Taylor and I secretly escaped off to the orchards to do a little running. And when my wife was asking for me in the command center when in reality, Taylor had no idea where in hell I was at? Let's just say that I got a good lashing out. And that I am now confined to mine and Elisabeth's room until I write a satisfying page or two about my day.<p>

For god's sake.

Is she actually going to _read _this thing?

Well this is just _great._

So if you are intending on reading this, hello Elisabeth. Are you satisfied?

Alright, so if I have to tell about my damn day, then here we go.

To begin with, Elisabeth gave me you. And perhaps gave is the understatement of the century, seeing as how she thrust it at me and forced me to take it. So _whee_. The fun only continues to when Zoe asked (more like demanded) me to help her out and go to school and sing the spider song. Do you know what that did to my already damaged pride and less than nothing left of my dignity? Here's the rundown. I'm minding my own business, trying to read through the emails Taylor's sent me, and then Zoe saunters in like it's no one's business and asks me in that sugary sweet voice of hers, "Daddy, Daddy, I need your help!"

Being the kind, loving father that I happen to be, I obliged. Being dragged down to the school wasn't my exact idea of fun, but you know, it is what it is. And when I get there, my daughter just looks up at me with this happy little smile on her face and then insists that I begin singing the spider song. Like what the hell. _Where on God green earth is a spider, because I sure don't see one! _Then she tells me that Nina, Morgan, and some other little girl whose name I don't even know are terrified of spiders to-and may I throw this in there? Nina is the girl who planted the vampire seed in Zoe's brain, and she's scared of spiders. Someone PLEASE explain this…monstrosity of confusion to me.

So I sang the damned song.

And what do you know, Taylor was at the school while I was forced to perform Jim Shannon's one man musical entitled the "Let's All Make a Fool of Jim Shannon" Musical. I swear I saw him recording it. I think I'll have to hold some of that Wash stuff over him.

Afterwards, I made my great escape from you to the orchards and overheard the worst thing a father like myself could ever hear. Mark Reynolds was taking _my _Maddy on a date. OTG. May I please just…shoot the boy? I'd turn the setting on low, it'd only stun him! Of course, Maddy would my head brought to her on a silver platter, Elisabeth would make sure I wrote in you more often as punishment or maybe even sing the song every day in the square at lunch, who knows, and I'd be on the verge of tears. Not teenage girl tears though! You wouldn't punish me, would you? You support me in all this, right Diary?

You know, I just might like you now.

-_**Jim Shannon, aka the amazing man that you now belong to thanks to my fantastic wife bought you for me and insists that I write in you to just…god almighty I don't even know why I need this. But you're the only one who doesn't mind me wanting to shoot Mark Reynolds with a sonic pistol. So yeah. Love, Jim.**_

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><p><strong>Alright, so this was pretty short compared to what I usually write, but this won't be much of a long chapter story! So yeah, leave your lovely reviews and here's a little secret- if you maybe possibly reviewed my other stuff, you'd get updates faster. Wink. Wink. Nudge. And I just might start another crack fic if you guys are interested because I have a lot of good ideas for it :) But yeah! And I know this is random, but to me, Jim? I can so see his wife buying him a diary and making him write in it. Anyways, be you, and uhh…never ever go under the bleachers in the gym. It's kinda scary up under there. Love, Emzy<strong>


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